There's a memory from last winter that I've held onto; it was a short conversation, but at the time it perfectly encapsulated what I was feeling and how important that feeling was to me. I'd just gotten back from my and Tracie's epic road trip, and had gone to practice at Roller City. While warming up, I skating around the track a few times with Robin; when she asked me about my trip, I sighed and lacked the words to express what I really wanted to say. She looked at me for a second and replied, "it changed you, didn't it?" It had, in so many ways. I nodded, and told her I couldn't wait to go back.
I came to New York for the first time one year ago today. It was then that the shift started, the slightest little prying-open of my mind that eventually split my vision for my future wide open. A year later, there's not much that hasn't changed. It seems strange that it's all happened in less than twelve months.
One night this weekend, my girlfriend and I were talking about how much of the country, and in particular the South it seems, thinks of the city as almost a dream. It's a place to fantasize about but also a place that seems out of reach. I remembered having that feeling even on the long drive north with Tracie. I felt that I was living a fantasy.
Last night I found out I got accepted into GGRD, and I kind of have that feeling of living a fantasy again. This can't possibly be my life, can it? My life isn't a fairy tale by any stretch of the imagination. Problems back home have become a constant source of stress in my life, and my job has as well. When I combine the amount of time I spend working, prepping, commuting, and going to class, I work almost 80 hours a week. I live in a near-constant state of mental exhaustion. Still, the good things happening in my life make it worth it. My hard work during the week is rewarded on the weekends with time spent with a warm and lovely someone I've been dating for two months, and whom I hope to keep in my life for some time to come. My stresses at school are buffered by the best coworkers I could ask for, and even though I want to strangle my students sometimes, I love them all. And now I'm going to be returning to one of my life's passions and playing for a league that, much like this city, at one time seemed only like an unattainable dream.
When I think about summer 2010, but heart starts to beat a little bit faster. Time off from work, a steady income, my unlimited metrocard, every museum I can muster, and as much derby as I can stand. And with any luck, that certain someone will be along for the adventure. I can't wait.
